This 2020 has been any word beyond tough.
My doctors can not figure out what is going on with my body and why it causes me to go through excruciating pain
In all ways I wouldn’t wish upon anyone
My dad has to go to the hospital because he is bleeding from an unknown source and has to get blood transfusions now
My mom drops to the floor in so much pain only to find out a few days later she has a tumor. And the tumor is cancerous
My Father dropped down to the ground, lost all consciousness and stopped breathing
Started breathing again then Rushed to the hospital Only to be told he had a “weird strand of the flu they couldn’t explain”
My mom had to get her surgery and undergo chemo just as covid-19 starts
My angel dog that has saved my soul, lost all feeling in her back legs and couldn’t walk anymore and had to be rushed into the ER
My dad gets into a car accident, totaled his car but he’s okay. I couldn’t be more grateful
The next day something nightmarish happens with a family member I can NOT discuss. But my heart is broken nonetheless
The same day my pool collapses during covid when it’s the only thing to do in the middle of
July
I’ve been lied to and made a fool of
I almost feel as if my whole world had already collapsed
With all of this, you haven’t even seen the half of what is actually happening
I feel afraid to share stories like this. I would hate anyone to look at me like a box of problems
& I know for a fact some do
But there is so much more to life. So much more to me. So much more than the bad
It has all made me who I am today
& that girl deserves all the love in the world
I’m afraid of a lot. But I know Jesus is leading my path
I’m doing my best to create a life and happiness that serves me and my future family. But at times it feels like drowning
I’m doing my best to follow my intuition
I’m doing my best to be okay with the mistakes in the past
I’m sitting here listening to screaming wishing I had my own space because mine was stolen away from me just like my health
But I’m doing my best
Let this be a message to you today that whatever it is you are going through
YOU WILL GET THROUGH
You are NOT a box of problems.
You’re the gift someone’s been waiting for at the front of their doorstep their whole life.
You’re a complicated mess that someone is going to love with open arms
The “bad” happening are just the moments in life where we need remember what’s truly important.
It’s not the pool. It’s not the car. It’s not the illnesses
It’s the remembering to be kind to one another.
its remembering to love.
Spreading love.
Remembering that no matter what happens in this life, no matter how hard things get. Eventually, it will be okay again.
The roller coaster will stop and you will finally get that deep breath above water you’ve been drowning in
I’m sitting here and the world around me has collapsed
But my spirit is strong in faith knowing there is better to come
Break through old patterns
So you can make room, and bring in the new
Fuckin 2020 man